RoB tHoMaS dArLinG..LONELY NO MORE

Now it seems to me

That you know just what to say

But words are only words

Can you show me something else

Can you swear to me

That you'll always be this way

Show me how you feel

More than ever baby

[Chorus:]

I don't wanna be lonely no more

I don't wanna have to pay for this

I don't want another lover at my door

It's just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more

You know I could never stand for this

So when you tell me that you love me know for sure

I don't wanna be lonely anymore

Whoa, whoa, ho, oh whoa [2x]

Now it's hard for me

When my heart's still on the mend

Open up to me

Like you do your girlfriends

And you sing to me and it's hardly

Girl what you do to me is everything

Make me say anything just to get you back again

Why can't we just try

[Chorus]

What if I was good to you

What if you were good to me

What if I could hold you till

I feel you move inside of me

What if it was paradise

And what if we were symphonies

What if I give all my life to

Find some way to stand beside you

[Chorus]

Whoa, whoa, ho, oh whoa

Whoa, whoa, ho, oh whoa

(I don't wanna be lonely anymore)

Whoa, whoa, ho, oh whoa

(I don't wanna be lonely no more) [2x]

Whoa, whoa, ho, oh whoa

I don't wanna be lonely anymore

BEAUTIFUL SOUL BY JESSE MCARTNEY

BEAUTIFUL SOUL BY JESSE MCARTNEY

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special

To you I'd be always faithful

I want to be what you always needed

Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

You might need time to think it over

But im just fine moving forward

I'll ease your mind

If you give me the chance

I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you

Baby do you think you could want me too

I don't wanna waste your time

Do you see things the way I do

I just wanna know if you feel it too

There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

YOU & ME BY LIFEHOUSE

YOU & ME BY LIFEHOUSE

what day is it

and in what month

this clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do

nothing to lose

and it's you and me and all of the people

and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say

just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping inwards

you got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do

nothing to prove

and it's you and me and all of the people

and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

everything she does is beautiful

everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do

nothing to lose

and it's you and me and all of the people

and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do

nothing to prove

and it's you and me and all of the people

and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it

and in what month

this clock never seemed so alive

LET ME GO BY 3 DOORS DOWN

LET ME GO BY 3 DOORS DOWN

One more kiss could be the best thing

Or one more lie could be the worst

And all these thoughts are never resting

And your not something I deserve

CHORUS

In my head there's only you now

This world falls on me

In this world there's real and make believe

And this seems real to me

And you love me but you don't know who I am

I'm torn between this life

I lead and where I stand

And you love me but you don't know who I am

So let me go, let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for

And I turn my back on loving you

How can this love be a good thing

And I know what I'm going through

CHORUS

In my head there's only you now

This world falls on me

In this world there's real and make believe

And this seems real to me

And you love me but you don't know who I am

I'm torn between this life I lead

and where I stand

And you love me but you don't know who I am

So let me go, just let me go, let me go

And no matter how hard I try

I can't escape these things inside I know, I know

But all the pieces fall apart

You will be the only one who knows,

who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am

I'm torn between this life I lead

and where I stand

And you love me but you don't know who I am

So let me go, just let me go(you don't know)

You love me but you don't

You love me but you don't(you don't know)

You love me but you don't know who I am

(you don't know)

You love me but you don't

You love me but you don't(you don't know)

You love me but you don't know me

DON'T QUIT

When things go wrong,

as there sometimes will,

When the road you are trudging,

seems all up hill,

When the funds are low

and the debts are high,

and you want to smile

but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing

you down a bit,

Rest if you must but

don't you quit.

Life is queer

with it's twist and turn,

As everyone of us

sometimes learn,

and many a failure

turns about,

when he might have worn

had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though

the pace seems slow,

You may have succeed

with another blow.

Success is failure

turned inside out,

The silver tint of

the clouds of doubt,

and you never can tell

how close you are.

It may be near

when it seems so far,

So stick to the five

when you are hardest,

It is when things

seems worse,

THAT YOU MUST NOT QUIT !!

FAVOURITE SONGS

Papa Roach - Scars Lyrics [Chorus:]

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

My scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

I'm pissed cause you came around

Why don't you just go home

Cause you channel all your pain

And I can't help you fix yourself

Your making me insane

All I can say is

[Chorus]

I tried to help you once

A kiss will only vise

I saw you going down

But you never realized

That your drowning in the water

So I offered you my hand

Compassions in my nature

Tonight is our last dance

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

You shouldn't ever came around

Why don't you just go home?

Cause your drowning in the water

And I tried to grab your hand

And I left my heart open

But you didn't understand

But you didn't understand

You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry

but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

Song: Mocking Bird

[ Intro ]

YeahI know sometimes things

might not always make sense to you right now

But hey, what daddy always tell you?

Straighten up little soldier

Stiffen up that upper lip

What'chu crying about?

You got me..

[ Verse 1 ]

Hailie, I know you miss your mom

And I know you miss your dad

when I’m gone

But I’m trying to give you the life that I never had

I can see you’re sad

Even when you smile

Even when you laugh

I can see it in your eyes

Deep inside, you wanna cry

Cuz you’re scaredI ain’t there?

Daddy’s with you in your prayers

No more crying

Wipe them tears

Daddy’s here

No more nightmares

We gonna pull together through it

We gon’ do it

Laini, uncle’s crazy ain’t he?

Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it

We’re all we got in this world

When it spins When it swirls

When it whirls When it twirls

Two little beautiful girls

Looking puzzled, in a daze

I know it’s confusing you

Daddy’s always on the move

Mama’s always on the news

I try to keep you sheltered from it

But somehow it seems,

the harder that I try to do that

the more it backfires on me

All the things, growing up

As daddy that he had to see

Daddy don’t want you to see

But you see just as much as me (to see?)

That we did not plan it to be this way

You’re mother and me

But things have got so bad between us

I don’t see us ever beingTogether ever again

Like we used to be when was teenagers

But then of coarse

Everything always happens for a reason

I guess it was never meant to be

But it’s just something

We have no control over

And that’s what destiny is

But no more worries

Rest your head and go to sleep

Maybe one day we’ll wake up

And this will all just be a dream

[ Chorus ]

Now hush little baby don’t you cry

Everythings gonna be alright

Stiffen that upper lip up little lady

I told ya, daddy’s here to hold ya

Through the night

I know mommy’s not here right now

and we don’t know why

We feel how we feel inside

It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby

But I promise, Mama’s gonna be alright

[ Verse 2 ]

It’s funny

I remember back one year

when daddy had no money

Mommy wrapped the Christamas presents up

and stuck them under the tree

and said some of them were from me

Cos daddy couldn’t buy ‘em

I’ll never forget that Christmas

I sat up the whole night cryin’

Cuz daddy felt like a bum

See dadday had a job

But his job was to keep the food on the table

for you and mom

And at the time every house that we lived in

Either kept getting broken into

and robbed or shot up on the block

And your mom, was saving money

For you in a jar trying to start a piggy bank for you

So you can go to college

Almost had a thousand dollars

Till someone broke in and stole it

And I know it hurt so bad it broke your mama’s heart

And it seemed like everything was just starting to fall apart

Mom and dads was arguing a lot

So mama moved back on the Chalmers

and the flatOne bedroom apartment

And dad moved back to the other side of 8 mile on Novarra

And that’s when daddy went to California with his CD

And met Dr. Dre and flew you and Mama out to see me

But daddy had to work

You and mama had to leave me

Then you started seeing daddy on the TV

And mama didn’t like it

And you and Laini were too young to understand it

Papa was a rolling stone

mama developed a habit and

it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it

I’m just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand

Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud

Now I’m sittin’ in this empty house, just reminiscin’

Looking at your baby pictures it just trips me out

To see how much you both have grown

It’s almost like your sisters now

Wow, I guess you pretty much are

And daddy’s still here

Laini I’m talking to you too

Daddy’s still hereI like the sound of that, yeah

It’s got a ring to it, don’t it?

Shhh, mama’s only gone for the moment

[ Chorus ]

Now hush little baby don’t you cry

Everythings gonna be alright

Stiffen that upper lip up little lady

I told ya daddy’s here to hold ya

Through the night

I know mommy’s not here right now

and we don’t know why

We feel how we feel inside

It may seem a little crazy pretty baby

But I promise

Mama’s gonna be alright

[ Outro]

And if you ask me to,

Daddy’s gonna buy you a mocking bird

I’ma give you the world

I’ma buy a diamond ring for you

I’ma sing for you,

I’ll do anything for you to see you smile

And if the mockingbird don’t sing

and the ring don’t shine

I’ma break that birdy’s neck

I’ll go back to the Jeweler who sold it to ya

And make him eat every karat

Don’t fuck wit dad.haha

back to holidays

haha, tak sangka that my mother was just laughing out when i told her that i appeared in the magazine besides ct nurhaliza. my family which includes my sisters n my brother in-laws were really laughing out loud. so u see the going to klia become a non- issue at all. except my dad who were quite not as excited as the rest, i guess to him i would still be his little daughter that he worries. even my sisters who are practically mothers now get the same worried face frm my father if they come back late frm work. i don't blame him, after all there are just too many bad ppl nowdays. they celebrated my belated birhtday tonight. funny as it is, but at this age, i am not that eager to celebrate birthdays anymore, just so long as they remember me in their prayers, but come to think of it, their presents shud not go to waste either,hehe.. finally, the internet at home is working. it wud have been really tormenting for me as i spent half of my life online, i wouldn't know what to do if there wasn't any good shows on tv, this is where i resort to and if it was not working??? but thankfully it is. felt good just now talking to lia, it has been quite some time since we had a proper chat..and then my ex gave me a call. felt really bad, did something to hurt his feeling. but i never intended it. why is it so hard to be friends when everything is over between u and him?? i mean i really thought he has moved on, he even has a new girlfriend so why is he still hoping for me??arghh..

Mar mak kawin! mar nak kawin yea yea. macam aku plak yg nak kawin,haha tak sabar nak tunggu cuti ni, byk benda nak buat. nak kuar gan all my friends yg dah lama tak jumpa. zura, maznifa, jasmin and sesape lagi la. then my family is gonna make a birthday party for me. wee, can't wait, combine with my nieces nye. tak sangka dah besar dah dua2. alysya nak masuk 2thn and nadiah nak masuk setahun. tak lama lagi kaklong aku plak nak bsalin. wow, tambah family member lagila nampaknya. pastu nak teman mar try baju kawin die, nak gi buat spa la...obviously for the wedding preparations..best nye can't wait.. pastu nak kuar tgk wayang hopefully jadik dgn a certain bestfriend of mine, baraq. die ni nak dgr gossip aku je, after all he holds the tittle gossip king.tp dah jatuh darjat sket, a bit outdated,haha. kena amik sources dr aku plak. pastu nak buat attachment kat shooklin, one building with my kakngah nye office. kakngah here i come, let's have lunch everyday at starbucks. also, not to forget the fun nights that i had aritu. sem ni nye exam mmg tak insaf lgsg, bukan dah nak naik final year, makin insaf tp makin selamba. ari tu, esok nak paper company,mlm tu gi anta fad, asma n the rest to klia. siap tunggu alexis lagi sampai dah lambat nak balik uia. nasib baik pak guard baik(kat main gate) n nak masuk kolej, pak guard sorg 2 ttido.mlm tu gakla masuk tv n mag hai coz jumpa ct.. then ari tu abis je paper usul fiqh, gi makan kat jj,padahal esok tu paper eps bturut. oh, yeah sblm gi klia tu dah gi teman mar jumpa jimmy nak pass gamba,mlm gak. then after je paper eps, mlm tu terus bawak mar,nik n nadia gi tgk short film kat help institute. best la, dapat jumpa james lee(the director of beautiful washing machine) yg bakal ditayangkan di cinemas.ala, klau tak tau, die yg byk menang award kat international film festivals. comel gak la die. then borak plak gan plakon sepet,linus. die jadi ah keong dlm cite sepet. banyakla gossip yg dikutip, like the real ending of sepet. dierg shoot tp tak tunjuk.sampai ada tiga ending.and the behind scenes of sepet nye shooting.check out his blog at my list of friends. pastu sblm tu, james lee who is practically married to his camera, asyik dok amik muka aku je. dahla kitaorg duduk depan skali gan smuanya gang aku pakai tudung, tetibe aku plak asyik makan biskut, share gan alexis. pastu baru aku tau, dierg kenal siapa alexis. die yg celebrity malam tu. aku plak blur. rupanya die guest of honour. yela, international film critic la katakan. so gonna miss them, zaki n gita frm indonesia n alexis frm phillipines.bile la nak buat reunion camp ni??m'sian team pun susah nak jumpa. pastu dahla dierg nak buat entry baru of short film for the new festivals. tajuk is about tudung. dahla sblm tu, aku dah mmg teringin nak buat short-film, inspired by those that i have watched. tetibe entry punya theme same gan idea aku. aku nak buat pasal the daily lives of a person who wears tudung. who have desires and needs like others. satu scene aku bayangkan, kitaorg clubbing tp dlm bilik, haha. asma, that goes out to u. tp kena hire org yg tak pakai tudung la. tp tak tau sape yg nak shootkan. p/s: yg best tu jumpa ada this guy yg became the mc that night, very cute n looks so familiar. he joined us when we talked with linus about sepet, pastu linus siap promote die lg cakap die single. trus blush,haha. tp kitarg smua buat don't know coz smua nak sibuk dgr ending sepet so kitarg angguk n trus n so linus, the rest?? sian fahmi tu kena ignore. pastu tetibe aku kate kat nadia, myesal aku tak mintak no dia,tp i console myself by saying that i am coming this weekend 4 da phillipines nye short-film, i'm sure he'll be there. hope he's still single by then. pastu baru tau smlm yg die host rancangan dlm tv short-cuts or something on films, produced by james lee. patutla muka mcm familiar sgt. apalagi, lepas ni definitely nak kena jumpa die lagi.. pastu sedih dapat tau, acc to linus plakon jason dlm sepet tu baik sgt, tak penah minum,mrokok n tak penah ada galfriend. tetibe skang baru ada galfriend, melayu plak tu..melalak lah kitaorg..

UPDATES

sorila dah lama tak update. i apologized to those who have been waiting for any new news frm me. well, akhirnya i'm free. free frm all exams. i really pray that i will have better results this time around.amin. where to begin, i'm sure this will definitely be a long one. balik dari camp in indonesia, mar n ira was still having the camp blues and i was movin on fast. balik je, my job awaits me that is the counsellor for my friends, and as having the the tittle of gossip queen, kenala keep up to date with all that was happening, nanti hilang tittle plak,haha. then i got carried away with all the pressure of catching-up n going to classes. tak sedar tetibe, dah nak exam. then here i am updating u on my life. entahla tak tau ape nak tulis though many things have happened to me. the best part is that sejak taun lepas asyik jumpa artis, n now i have a collection of their pictures with me. first i met zizan, in front of uia, my god..he was my long term crush, how cud i not talk to him. we(my friends n i n not with zizan)went back to my room to get my camera. after meeting him, not long after that, i met anuar zain at the shah alam mall. die beli lenses n i was doing my shopping spree. dgn muka tebalnya gi la amik kamera in the car n ask his friends to take pictureof me with him.tp kawan2 die lg cute. myesal plak tak amik gamba gan dierg, dahla siap offer diri, tp masa tu jual mahal,konon. star-struck la katakan. and guess what?? i did the stupidest thing i said to him, congratulations if u are going to get married. am i crazy or what?? then a month later, we were at the klia to fly to indonesia for the camp, n i met farah, fitri, kaer, edlin, zarina, zahid, anding of af2. i am a big fan of farah n fitri, and this was like a dream come true.so ape lagi amik gamba gan diergla. and recently,nadia, mitch and i went to klia to sent off our friends who were going to d.c(they are in the finals.they defeated at least 106 law schools around the world, u do us proud jessupers!!) n it juz so happens that ct nurhaliza was going to london as well on the very same night. n ape lagi, biasala me want to take every oportunity that i can to be in the limelight, thus we went to see them which was aizuddin, asma, boy and i.at first, i was lazy to coz i did not have any camera with me but asma was practically waving hers in front of my face, then ape lagi makin lajula melangkah. asma n i had our own agenda. we were only interested wif fadzley which was wif ct but aizuddin and boy are totally hooked on ct.so the four of us made our way thru'. tak sangka plak die tgh buat press conference plak masa tu. n i was standing directly behind all the reporters that were interviewing her.then this english couple came and asked us whether that was ct nurhaliza. we promoted her though we did not fancy her at all, me n asma. pastu asma bile jumpa english ppl, mulala accent british die kuar. kuat betul kiteorg gelak sampai fadzley pun asyik tgk kiterg je gan jelingan yg tajam.then we gossiped further which irritated fadzley more,haha. yelah, ct was talking very ayu one, like she cannot speak louder so the reporters had trouble listening to her i guess.well, me n asma will alwiz be us though we were on national tv.loud n not ashamed.. then asma was taking pictures with her new camera(her dad gave it to her as a present for going to dc), and it flashed directly at ct, dah la amik sampai 5 to 6 kali. org lain smua amik guna camera fon, mane ada flash, lagila fadzley bengang. then suddenly, i saw the cameras(melodi n rtm) recording my picture n i turned my back n faced aizuddin. and he was asking apsal u pusing kat i? i said " my mom is not suposed to know i'm here"( we were having exams the very next day)n the mat salleh replied "ur mum doesn't know u're here n u are on national news n tv?" n i said " i know" with a worried face. there goes.. finally we got to take a picture with fadzley, very sombong..benci die..then amik gamba ct sorg. asma took directly in front of her face.asma suruh die posing for her n ct did n she snapped. i said to asma " i think u nearly blinded her with ur flash" and we both just laughed. b4 that,all of us including the boys pun salam je die ek. konon sebelum tu mintak izin gan aku tetibe blm bg approval dah salam dah, siap tak nak cuci tangn pastu. what a nite! then this morning my friend gave me a call, ckp my face was in the magazine 'hai' n i was thinking bile plak hai interview aku pasal camp ni, NST adala, n i really thought it was about the camp, mind u m'sian team came out in the newspaper in oriental daily 5 pages, i haven't had the chance to view it yet, n my pic was also in the malay mail pun tak tau(pertaining to the camp)so i thought this was my chance to keep it.tetibe die tanya "kau jumpa ct ke?" and i was like oh,no me with ct...they must think now i am a big fan of hers..too bad..at least 15 min of fame,haha

life is sooo busy

emm...don't really know where to start. actually, life is not that busy as before but somehow, i have less hours in a day to finish anything that i want to do. maybe the real reason is because of the fateful tsunami incident where it had changed the world's map forever. it actually has make us lost 1 second of our seconds in a day. for the whole of last week, all i could do is to do some research on the internet. all i could do is just cry as i sat and watched the horrific pictures of dead bodies in acheh, sri lanka and india. i really can't imagine what kind of life and emotions that they are facing right now. i can't really contribute money as i am always running out of money myself, thanks to the delay caused by ptptn. thus, the only contribution that i can make is to pay visits to the places that are destroyed caused by the tsunami. however, time has once again stopped me from pursuing my intentions. i really wanted to go to penang last weekend,as i heard that they are really in need of emotional support. clothes and food are quite sufficient there according to sources who have already visited the sites. thus, i felt emotional troubled myself as i am unable to help them in this nearest future. however, my prayers will always be with them. today, i am planning to go and help out and arrange the supplies that they plan to send to acheh and other affected places. the thing that saddens me most, is when some malaysians takes advantage by contributing old clothes which can be better considered as rags. some even gave used undies and under garments. do you think that this is the place where you dump all your rubbish and trash? sometimes malaysians can be so inconsiderate. just yesterday, i read in an entertainment newspaper how the writer was upset with the malaysian artists. how they have not contributed anything for they so-called fans whom because of them, the artists stand where they are today. the writer further commented that only a few were really concerned with the ppl who were affected. this is inconsiderate and injustice as probably those are the same ppl who have helped these artists in their succesful career. they have so much money, thanks to the fans who buy their original album, lines up in long ques just to buy their concert tickets and who only ends up being ignored and abondoned by the same person whom they have gave unconditional support. only a few really came up and gave their donations and support. thanks a lot malaysian artists!!!

the tsunami incident

tgh bosan gile ni..tak ahh sebenarnya penatla. aku kat pre-camp anjuran british council. wondering what i'm doing here in front of the pc, supposedly doing research tp dah penat sgt learning about community and stuff. dah la kena get approval before we get to continue further with our projects. well, finally aku confirmed dapat gi indonesia next month. tapi risau gak with all the earthquake and all. tapi kitaorg kat somewhere near jakarta. and kat jawa island takde gunung whatsoever tp takut plak bombings kat bali n etc.. dapat gakla jumpa a few participants frm around m'sia. so far, they are okay, quite friendly.tp nak buat survey kat brickfields ni susah sket coz some of them are unwilling to participate. ada yg mcm sombong sket. anyway, now talking about the tsunami that hit penang on sunday. it was really a tragedy. my condolensces to all those that have lost their family members. sian kat asma coz her family member were some who was involved with the disaster. cousin dia patah kaki nak selamatkan adik asma, adam. and adam was bruised half of his body. he was actually already pulled into the water then cousin asma selamatkan dia. mmg Allah tak plan for his ajal yet. this disaster first in m'sia rings a bell to me. maybe there was a reason why it happened, the hidden reasons. we can only pray for the gone ones and hope that their souls will rest in peace.

bored!!!

hehe...it's me again making another entry...well sbenarnya aku tgh bosan ni nak mnunggu bila nak buat final rehearsal tok drama competition malam ni..argh...tensionnya. byk benda je aku tension pasal drama thn ni, tak sama fun mcm tahun lepas..tp takle nak cite kat sini takut akan muguriskan perasaan org. masa raya ari tu, tanpa disangka2 kawan rapat aku masa ssp dulu dah pindah belajar kat uitm shah alam dari uitm jengka pahang. kalau tak pasal kad raya, mmg aku tak tau pkembangan cite die. tak sangka plak die myewa dekat betul gan umah aku, mmg jodoh. so when my kakngah invited her friends over for raya, aku ajaklah dia dtg skali. we had a blast. bayangkanla dah lima tahun tak jumpa, mmg rindu. now, we are keeping in touch n i am glad that we are still close as before. really, tak sangka yg she will be that close to me, i mean now we can meet up without any problems.really can't wait to get my loan so that aku bole lepak gan die every weekend. tapi itu the gd side of moving to shah alam, tp the sad part i had to leave my dearest friend maznifa. we can no longer hang out like we used to. kalau dulu, aku boring gi je umah dia n lepak dpn umah die, bborak2. skang ni gayut dlm fon je la. janji nak jumpa tp tak jumpa2 gak.sedih waa... ni smua faktor ptptn tak masuk lagi.. kawan2 aku yg dulu rapat masa matriks dulu pun aku dah okay balik gan dieorg. dulu mrajuk kejap sebab aku rase, aku je yg byk buat sacrifice for them. now, i have learned that i cannot put any expectation on them, moreover kitaorg pun ada life masing2. another thing yg aku risau ni, aku tak dapat lagi jawapan dari british council whether betul ke aku ni confirm nak gantikan one participant yg dah tarik diri. i really wanna go..frust gak masa dapat tau tak dapat pegi tp jadi reserve je tok youth camp tu. hopefully aku dapat join ira, mar n 7 more participants frm m'sia to indon next month for this youth camp.pray for me friends!and pray that somehow,we will bring something for mahalla tonight.

where is my loan???

lately i have been feeling really tired n exausted. i'm not sure what is the cause of it but it's actually weird. the thing is that i used to have so much energy and i can stay up really late at night. but since this sem reopens, i noticed that my energy level is not the same as before. am i getting older??whenever i try to stay up and study, mind you i can only study at night, i really cannot wake up in the morning. it's really sad and scary when i had to miss two of madam ahlam's class. i'm so going to be in big trouble. maybe the fact that we have to practice for our drama competition late at night, does not help either.maybe i don't have enuff rest. anyway, to all the girls in uia who will read this, all of you are invited to watch the inter-mahallah drama competition at the main audi. i will be acting alongside farhana. come n watch us!! another thing that is bothering me is that ptptn has not given our money. i am so desperately in need of money. how can i survive?? i really don't wanna ask my parents for money..feel guilty..

what a reality??

lawak ke hidup ni?kekadang aku tfikir juga, betul ke hidup ni lawak atau kita yg melawakkannya? sejak seminggu ni, aku cuma memahami pengertian hidup dan apa yg cinta mampu lakukan ke atas kita. aku bukan cuba untuk bpujangga disini kerana that is really not my talent, but i really had to ponder hard when there was this incident which happened last week. according to sources,ada seorg makhluk Allah yg tlh lama mempunyai imej terpuji ttp disebabkan oleh cinta,dia tlh menjadi hanyut.aku sedih mmikirkan keadaan ni kerana shabat yg aku kenali dulu tkenal gan kesopanannya,baik tingkahlaku dan segala benda yg baik diassociatekan dgn org ni. tapi alangkah malangnya bila segala pbuatan baik dia kini menjadi umpatan buat dirinya sendiri. ada suatu ketika dulu, dia pernah menegur rakan2ku kerana tidak menutup aurat secara sempurna tp kini bila kulihat gambar2dia bermesra with his girlfriend without any limits,i start to question myself,whois actually this guy??? manusia ini yg hanya berbicara ttg agungnya CINTA KEPADA ALLAH,kini telah hanyut bersama cinta kepada manusia. aku tidak mempertikaikan cinta kepada manusia but can you imagine the guy that alwiz preach to u about religion, aurat, hukum hakam,who only wears kopiah, serban n jubah to classes can change just because he has declared that he has found true love?? i need to rethink this...but i pray to Allah SWT that somehow he will come back to the right path and that we will stay strong and not fall for syaitan's trap.nauzubillah

muslims yg dah murtad, dicopy dari forwarded email

> > > Assalamua'laikum, > > > > > > Semoga saudara saudara sekelian di dalam > > > perlindungan ALLAH > > > sentiasa. > > > > > > Aku nak citer satu kisah yang aku alami sendiri baru > > > baru ni. > > > Minggu lepas sedang aku duduk duduk di satu tempat, > > > aku bersembang > > > dengan seorang lawyer. > > > > > > Lelaki, umur lebih kurang sebaya aku. Dia ni Lawyer > > > Syariah. > > > Mula tu kami sembang biasa aje, yelah baru jumpa, > > > macam strangers,. > > > lama lama kami fokus pada satu subjek. Dia ceritakan > > > pada aku salah > > > seorang anak guam (client) dia. Client dia ni > > > seorang perempuan > > > Melayu, umur lebih kurang 20an. Kisahnya client dia > > > ni nak tuntut > > > hak penjagaan anaknya daripada bekas boyfriend dia, > > > orang India > > > berugama Hindu. > > > > > > Anak-anak yang dia nak tuntut hak tu ialah anak > > > dengan bekas boyfriend > > > dia lah, dua orang. Sekarang dalam jagaan bekas > > > boyfriend dia. Semasa > > > dia buat tuntutan hak penjagaan tu, dia datang > > > bersama boyfirend dia > > > yang baru, India jugak, ugama Hindu. Anak anak yang > > > dia nak tuntut tu > > > adalah anak luar nikah ditakrifkan sebagai "Anak Tak > > > Sah Taraf". Tak > > > habis kat situ kisahnya, selain dari nak tuntut hak > > > penjagaan anak, dia > > > pun nak fail permohonan tukar ugama, dari ugama > > > Islam kepada Hindu, atau > > > kata lain Murtad. Tambah kata lawyer tu lagi, si > > > perempuan ni sanggup > > > bersusah payah, belanja beribu ringgit upah lawyer > > > lain untuk mohon > > > tukar ugama sebab lawyer yang bersembang dengan aku > > > ni tadi tak mahu > > > terima job tu. > > > > > > Dia sanggup keluar belanja sendiri untuk tukar > > > ugama, dari Islam jadi > > > Hindu hanya sebab sukakan si lelaki India berugama > > > Hindu tu. Kata lawyer > > > tu, dalam ramai ramai orang Islam, si perempuan ni > > > sukakan Hindu. Dia > > > tak suka orang Islam. Aku katakan kepada lawyer tu, > > > kalau nak murtad, > > > tak payah mohon dengan mahkamah, kita ni sendiri tak > > > mohon pun kekadang > > > boleh jatuh murtad secara tak kita sedari, dek pasal > > > perkataan atau > > > perbuatan kita. > > > > > > Lawyer tu kemudian bercerita pulak pada aku, sejak > > > kebelakangan ini, > > > di mahkamah dalam Malaysia ni tak kurang dari 10,000 > > > permohonan untuk > > > menukar ugama dari Islam kepada ugama ugama lain, > > > Krisitan dan Hindu > > > kebanyakannya. Sebabnya macam macam, dari sebab > > > jatuh cinta sampai ke > > > sebab saja suka suka. Katanya lagi, kisah bebudak > > > melayu, kebanyakannya > > > anak anak remaja yang buat tattoo tanda salib di > > > badan dan pakai rantai > > > salib tu dah banyak sangat pengaduan dari mak bapak > > > yang dia terima. > > > > > > Heran aku kenapa orang bersusah payah nak buat > > > permohonan nak keluar > > > dari Islam, tak cukup dengan perangai macam kafir, > > > minum arak, berjudi, > > > berzina, sihir menyihir dan segala macam perangai > > > setan yang dibuatnya > > > dia kena pulak mohon jadi murtad. > > > > > > Kalau dulu aku cuma dengar dari third party kisah > > > Aisyah yang murtad dan > > > jadi spokesperson kat convention kat London, kali > > > ini aku dengar dari > > > mulut lawyer yang mengendalikan kes seperti itu > > > sendiri. Dan baru baru ni > > > ada disiarkan dalam Star, akan diadakan satu > > > perjumpaan Interfaith > > > Convention > > > yang akan diadakan dalam bulan Ogos ni di satu > > > gereja kat PJ old town.. > > > > > > The members of the interfaith convention ni terdiri > > > dari orang-orang > > > pelbagai ugama, dan menjemput orang orang dari semua > > > kalangan masyarakat > > > menyertai covention itu. Presiden interfaith > > > committee tu, ialah seorang > > > melayu, bertitle Ir. Aku mula memikirkan, kalau si > > > Melayu ni, (I presume > > > he is a muslim) boleh buat convention kat gereja tu, > > > ada ke dia buat > > > something yang sebegitu di masjid di kariah dia, or > > > bcos he spends so > > > much time with the interfaith committee (since he is > > > the president) he > > > rarely or never have time to do anything at the > > > masjid or even go to > > > the masjid. > > > > > > Baru baru ni juga aku pergi kat satu tempat kat PD. > > > Kat situ, ada satu > > > bekas perkampongan orang orang Melayu juga yang > > > mengamalkan ajaran Islam > > > ikut sesedap rasa dia. Mengikut keterangan guide aku > > > tu, pengikut pengikut > > > ugama tu, boleh berkahwin sesama adik beradik > > > sendiri dan mereka juga ada > > > surau tempat bersembahyang dan ada juga colok dan > > > bekas kemenyan kat batu > > > besar. Dalam hati aku berkata, kalau dah nak sembah > > > batu, kenapa nak ada > > > surau? Orang orang ni nampaknya keliru, macam mana > > > nak praktikkan pegangan > > > ugama dia orang. Nak solat macam orang Islam tu ke, > > > atau nak pasang colok > > > dengan kemenyan sembah batu besar kat tepi pokok tu? > > > Kalau dah boleh kahwin > > > sesama adik beradik sendiri, buat apa susah payah > > > nak kena nikahkan. itu > > > adalah antara perangai perangai pelik sesetengah > > > orang Melayu. Dari > > > peringkat > > > tinggi, berpelajaran dan perpangkat tinggi, sampai > > > ke peringkat rendah tak > > > berpelajaran dan tak berpangkat, sedang orang di > > > tempat lain bermatian > > > matian > > > mempertahankan syiar Islam, di sini ada pulak yang > > > bersusah payah nak tukar > > > ugama dari Islam jadi kafir. > > > > > > From the short encounter with the lawyer, I deduced > > > that, kebelakangan ni > > > sesetengah orang melayu yang agaknya muslim, are > > > becoming the champions of > > > many matters. Tapi champion dalam hal nak > > > melingkupkan ugama dan bangsa > > > sendiri. Dalam hal hal sebegini, tak banyak yang > > > pihak berkuasa boleh buat. > > > The judiciary system in Malaysia is based on "Common > > > Law" atau yang terguna > > > pakai di England. Walaupun kita dah 47 tahun > > > merdeka, pemikiran orang > > > Melayu masih lagi dijajah, dan tak lama lagi akan > > > dijajah semula tapi kali > > > ni secara sukarela pulak apabila orang melayu yang > > > asalnya Islam, mohon > > > nak tukar ugama jadi kristian, jadi hindu, jadi > > > atheist, sembah pokok, > > > sembah batu dan segala amalan karut marut lain > > > selain dari jadi Islam yang > > > menjanjikan Syurga kepada penganutnya. > > > > > > Kepada saudara saudara sekelian, renung > > > renungkanlah....... > > > > > > Wassalam, 2nd part penulis email ni ade sebut psl seorang muslim yg murtad dan jadi spokeperson dlm convention kat london. aku ade link utk speech wanita murtad ni.so aku rasa ade eloknya aku attach skali link ni utk kekawan yg tak tau kes ni.utk jadi bukti betapa fitnah yg ditakuti oleh Nabi Muhammad telah berleluasa skang ni. http://www.gnwidegroup.com/hasnah/hasnah.htm aku harap kekawan kite bleh forward kan email ni supaya lebih ramai lagi tahu dan dgr sendiri bukti mengenai kes hasnah ni. nauzubillah min zaalik

entahla. sbenarnya tak ada mood nak tulis ni sbb dah pukul lima pg n aku masih tak tido, inilah akibatnya kalau bz n tak sempat nak bukak email sampai berpuluh2 dlm inbox. tu pun aku masih malas nak baca. last week, dalam sejarah kali kedua aku bkubang kat library. mmg bukan tempat aku. first of all, aku akan slalu tgk org yg masuk lib, klau org tu aku kenal, aku akan borak atau kacau org tu. kedua, kalau tak ada yg aku kenal masuk, then aku akan mula mengantuk and takle nak concentrate. ketiga, aku jenis yg kena baca kuat2 tok faham apa yg aku baca,kat library kena hush2 n whisper ala2 romantic gitu, jadiknya aku mgantuk lagi..haha tapi disebabkan mooting, nak tak nak there was i, without fail bmukim kat library.buat rsearch tapi arguments tak paham2 gak. the day b4 nak moot baru really understood the thing. gile ke ape? tp lega benda tu dah habis, skang nak concentrate on finals. tapi aku ingat baru nak berehat tetibe kena balik uia sbb ada meeting agm, tu la ngada2 sgt nak jadi committee, tp takpela, nak buat mcm mane.. emm.. pasal agm gak, aku pun mcm tak caya yg aku btanding. am i doing the right thing here? after all, it has been three years i have been fighting for the law students' right but somehow i cud never do it alone, skang ni org mletakkan kepercayaan, tu yg lagi takut tu.bole ke aku mrealisasikan impian mereka. aku takut nanti mereka akan kecewa.tapi aku mmg ada impian untuk memajukan budak2 law, bukan dari segi pelajaran je tp dr segi pr dan perhubungan sesame manusia. graduan kita slalu dilabelkan introvert so it is high time that we do somethin' to change that perception and prove ourselves. and as sir budiman kata to our mooting class, if we keep up with the standard that we are in now, n try to improve a little more, insya-Allah, org akan respect dgn graduan law dr uia. takpela kalau aku tak buat change kat law society yg penting, i am making a change here at home.ape2 yg aku buat akan affect family aku so therefore i'm already making changes, cukupla setakat sewa cd tok tampung blanja sket2 walaupun tak cukup. the change that i make? tak payah mintak duit slalu sgt kat parents aku, n dieorg pun takyah risau n mbebankan diri nak cari duit utk aku. tu yg nak jual kuih tok raya ni,nak cari duit lebih, hopefully laku. namun, disebalik segala dugaan yg kami sekeluarga hadapi tahun ni, Allah sentiasa murahkan rezeki kami dgn kehadiran org baru. believe me it never stops. last year, alysya came into the family, this year it was nadiah n insya-Allah, another one next year.. another thing that i am alwiz grateful of, is that i am surrounded by friends who love me. that has helped me a lot in facing all the obstacles in my life. u guys , fad n aliza especially are my torch!!

holidays...

haha, it's great that finally the holidays are greeting me. i really need a break badly.most of my tests are over except 4 company law n client counselling finals 4 mooting class. after 2 weeks of finishing with my hectic schedule(millef), i actually had some space to breath. the week after i finished millef, i was again running off 2 finish my assignments.then had a test to cover.but the second week was the most trying(not da others aren't but note 'the most'). not only tht i had 3 major tests(don't even mention how i did for all those tests, that is another story all together) but with all the lectures tht we had to attend, tutorials which consists of doing tons of assignments.and plus i had to juggle that n the fact tht my dad was again readmitted to da hosp for some operations.to my certain friends, hope tht all of us will be strong in facing the test that has been given to us. we have realized our mistake n had apologized sincerely n accordingly n if we are not forgiven is because someone is selfish n immature. n if the situation remains the same then we are no longer at fault n shud not be blamed. this is been said after much discussion and matured thinking with some friends who are involved. on friday, after an exaustive n trying week, my friends n i made some plan to go out n exchange our much belated birthday presents. but due to some changes they cud not make it. as i really needed some time off, i decided to go out alone. n i am glad tht i made tht decision. i drove all the way 2 O.U, feling a little glad n free, n after 5 hours spending time all by myself, i found it truly remarkable n refreshing.had missed tht feeling for quite some time. all i did was catch a movie(catwoman,was good), n spend plenty2 of time shopping alone. later visited my dad n spent 3 hours with him. it really gave me a relief feeling. i came back tht nite, just in time to change b4 heading out 4 my client counselling practice with adib supervised by sir budiman.it was really unexpected when when we were commented tht we had not missed out a single structure n had divided our parts perfectly.n to top it off, sir said tht we were the best team 4 tht nite so far. u cud only imagine how adib n i felt at tht moment. amazingly proud n glad for ourselves. bukan nak perasan tp just happy tht we did well. i was so thankful that after all tht i hv been thru tht week,tht day had paid off all my sufferings n pain tht i had 2 go thru' for the week. in one day i had managed sucessfully to make myself very happy n confident, fulfilling my responsibility as a daughter n pleasing my lecturer. this is the sweetest gift Allah have bestowed upon me after this week's TESTS. as aliza said to me there is a hikmah over what has happened, n now i am proud n grateful to say that i have witnessed that beauty. PRAISE TO ALLAH!! ALLAHUAKBAR!!